Who is a citizen without a bit of nationalism?
A stranger.
Then, what kind of stranger would fall for a country he lives in?
If you do not know the answer and find yourself thinking about it for more than a minute, chances are you do not belong...
This unusual feeling can have more than one form. Yet the most common will transform you into an uninterested observer of the world around you.
Getting familiar with this for the first time feels odd. Not it would get better over months. One day you just wake up and feel somewhat different or you can get beaten by this thought on your way to work/school.
Generally, this particular feeling can be compared to Kafka's Gregor Samsa waking up as a bug.
From now on you will be experiencing something alike, apart from the transformation which will be exchanged for something even more terrifying - staying trapped inside your own body with this persistent thought.
Now that sounds like a fun, doesn't it?
If you are still reading, I suppose this article caught your precious attention. In other words, I am glad that you are still here.
The very first idea of this article came to my mind when I was sitting in the crowded Prague's underground eavesdropping a conversation of strangers. I am aware of how impolite that is. Anyways, one minute I was hearing complains of middle-aged couple diminished by whining sound of train's engine, the other I caught myself staring at nothing.
When I finally found my focus, I thought of a lot of things. Questioning my feelings that I was occupied with.
The first thing closely resembled the basic description of escapism or a desire to emigrate.
I do not belong here. I have a different lifestyle. I do not share the same team spirit with these people. I use a foreign language over my mother tongue.
In contrast to the other feeling that came across my mind a few seconds after the first one was about the love that I keep for local nature, calm-homey environment.
As I advised before, If you get into this situation it won't be as easy as pie to get out of it. Let me shake your hand, now we are partners in crime.
Sometimes you can get help through books. Some people prefer meditation, others pray for an answer.
Personally, I found these techniques functionless.
From my point of view, the only thing that will help you sort things out is to make a cup of well-brewed tea or coffee and stop whatever you are doing even if for a moment.
Consider your current state from multiple angles. Write a list of possible options if you must. Simply do anything that will help you either get rid of this feeling completely or to find the reason why you have it in the first place.
As I see it, it is better not to hurry at this point.
Thanks to this process I realized I feel like a stranger because I don't share similar values with other people who live in CZ.
Also, I do not really use the Czech language except for family communication or formal state buildings communication
My thinking process is different.
The only solution to this problem would be to move out. Technically saying I am about to study abroad (UK) in September. Being partially there already still doesn't prevent me from feels of anxiety. I will be far from home in a different country which has different traditions as well as folk customs.
Nevertheless, the United Kingdom is in some cases almost like my home country. Not the exact blueprint though.
Maybe I am the only weird person feeling this way.
Since this is only a blog is up to you whether you make your own opinion.
Hope you all will have a very nice Thursday!